Temperature’s Rising

The month is coming to an end, and so are a few on-going campaigns I have that are soon to conclude. Well not very soon, but in the coming 2-3 weeks they will be. And the worse thing is, most of them are still in the early stages of production, and something tells me it’s just only going to get worse from here.

After every campaign concludes, I try my best to make sure it doesn’t happen in the following campaign. But somehow somewhere something seems to always go wrong, and we end up having to really “suffer” to get everything done to meet the deadline. I think one of the pitfalls of this job is that my whole work life revolves around meeting deadlines. I guess this is what most jobs are about, which is basically to get some things done by a certain time. And sadly for me, mine involves me pushing other people to get things done by said time. Of course I have a role to play, but at the end there is only so much I can do when it is other people who have the final say and not me.

I know it seems like there really isn’t much positive stuff I can talk about doing the things I do, but I guess it’s maybe because I’m still relatively new and quite at the bottom of the food chain that this is really all to it. Suffer first, enjoy later, as the saying goes. This reminds me of a talk I recently heard from a woman sharing her experiences doing her houseman on her journey to being a full-fledged doctor. The talk was about different people sharing their knowledge, experience, and advice on their jobs with young impressionable high school children, sort of like giving them a career insight. And boy did she give an insight, talking about all the “suffering” she had to endure during her 2 years as a houseman. It felt like 2 years worth of bottled emotions finally being unleashed upon these unsuspecting children who now are probably going to stay as far away from practicing medicine as possible.

Of course things get better once she was done with the 2 years, but it was that 2 years that really thought her about discipline and dedication. I’m guessing that is why I am “suffering” the way I am, because it’s all part of the learning process. My dad was giving me a little pep talk yesterday during dinner about the same thing, about learning from my superiors about leadership and taking charge of the situation. About being a good presenter, about being observant and participative in group discussions and brainstorming sessions. Blah blah blah…

Thankfully Pizza Uno food never ceases to be deliciously comforting. Although their damn prices should stop inflating for a couple of years. From RM10 to RM24 within a couple of years… now that’s just mad!

Absence Makes No Sense

Sorry I’ve not been updating this blog as often as I would like to. Work is eating into my otherwise damn-free life that any precious time I have I spend with my loved one… my bed.

I wonder if it makes a world of difference if work started later. Although technically I’m quite lucky to be able to start work around 9.30-10.00 since most people would’ve been in the office for like 1-2 hours by then already. But I guess you can never have enough of a good thing, right?

The days and weeks seem to be passing by really really fast. Without realising it, March is almost concluding… a thought that seems a bit unnerving to me since we have some stuff that are going to be launched soon and yet the stuff that we are to produce are still in the midst of being approved and all that. We’re really behind on things, and I hate that it’s not really within my control because my job basically revolves around waiting for other people to do things or approve things.

That has never been more apparent to me than it is now, and whilst I am slowly trying to realise that at the end of the day there is really nothing much I can do at times, I am still trying to figure out why I feel so guilty and worried that somehow it’s my fault that things aren’t going quite the way we planned it to be. Maybe this is what’s demotivating me, knowing that at the end of the day there is this shit on the way to the fan, it’s facing me, and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Oh where is the realisation that it’s not what I think it is, and that it is better? Perhaps in imagination-land? 😛

On a totally separate and work-unrelated note, I went to watch “Remember Me” today, and although at most part it was kinda mediocre and draggy, I kinda liked how they ended everything. Pseudo-spoiler: it’s one of those shows where the “big reveal” comes at the end that most people would’ve never thought to think of, but they did drop hints here and there that I can proudly say I picked up on. It was kinda interesting to see Robert Pattinson and Emily De Ravin play roles different from what we’re used to seeing them play, although to some extent both their characters had some similarities with the characters we’re used to seeing them portray, ie vampire and Lost cast member. Perhaps I’ve typecasted them, or perhaps I’m just overanalysing their characters.

Regardless, as long as the movie was (about 2 hours), it was a “not bad” movie. It’s a bit of a love story, but not quite, so you don’t really end up being emo afterwards if you’re the sort of type of person who relates your life to the movies you watch.

Guilty. 🙂

Work Be The Death To Us All

I wonder if there really are people who look forward to Mondays, who can’t wait to leave home and get to their respective offices and start working. People who complain that there aren’t enough hours in a day for work. People who take super-quick lunches because they can’t wait to get back, or the more gung-ho ones who would eat in during lunch. Where are these people working at, and why am I not working there?

As much as I would like to avoid this blog being a place to vent my sian-ness at working, the matter of fact is that work seems to be consuming most of my time now. And I don’t exactly have a lot going on outside of work as well to blog about, and I don’t think people would want to read about my boring non-work life of sleeping, watching shows, eating, going online, and other inane stuff which I look forward to during the working week.

Tomorrow is officially the start of month 4 working at the current place, and month 6 working in general since I graduated. Last week I spent two late nights at the office, only leaving just before 11pm, and 11pm is probably not going to be the latest I’ll ever spend at the office, but I hope to not experience that for as long as I possibly can. I’m sort of getting used to the way of things, and am getting along with the people I work with. Well most of them anyway, and I really do try my best to socialise with them more instead of just finding them for work purposes. I’m still relatively amateur at it, but I’m giving it as much as I possibly can give. It’s times like this where smoking would probably help a whole lot, but I’m not going to let that be an excuse to pick up a habit I don’t really mind but don’t really condone anyway.

I guess there is a lot in life that is hard for people to understand. Why things are the way they are, and why we have to go through things such as working and earning a living instead of having everything handed to us. Do we need to suffer in order to appreciate the better things in life? I do appreciate my weekends now that I’m working, but I think the amount of appreciation I show for the weekends are just as much as I did before I started working. I guess if there’s on thing I can appreciate now, and that’s timeliness, because I realise I spend a bulk of my time waiting around for things to happen. And many of it are mostly beyond my control to a certain extent, and some are the result of my own carelessness or absentmindedness. But I guess that’s all part of the learning process, or so people say.

I think that’s enough ramblings to end the shortest month of the year. Chinese New Year came and left rather quickly, and so far the year has been alright in most aspects. I don’t know what’s going to happen next, but I’m sure as hell hoping it’s something good. And if not, well I guess it’ll just serve its purposes of making me appreciate the finer things in life that I may not even realise until I don’t have it anymore.

The Road Not Taken

I wonder sometimes who came up with the whole need for formalities? Why do we need to dress a certain way, to write stuff using certain choice words, to behave in a certain manner, and to some like myself, to “turn on” this whole other persona that befits a particular type of situation that calls for it?

People who know me well know that me wearing formal attire is something very rare, and to some people, think it’s something that never happens for me. But yet, there are situations that call for me to dress formally, much to my dislike, simply because it’s what people expect you to be like. It felt a bit artificial to me, because I was pretending to be something I’m not. I’m usually quite informal and casual, and to some extent sometimes callous, because with some people I feel comfortable being that way and sometimes I expect them to just “know” that I don’t mean ill but rather it’s just how we sometimes usually talk to one another. But situations change, and suddenly, it becomes inappropriate and we have to become somebody else, to adapt to this new situation that requires a whole new “you” that really isn’t “you” you.

Yet, this whole need to behave in a certain manner is so embedded in many of us that the lack of it in a setting we expect this formality to take place sometimes just feels a bit inappropriate, much to my surprise when it hit me recently. I realised that my dislike for having to be a certain way that I usually don’t like to associate with, is something I am starting to appreciate now that it’s not there anymore. It’s yet another one of those things where once you don’t have it only you start appreciating it. It’s sad, but it happens.

Thankfully sometimes there ARE opportunities for a do-over, although they are never so easy to accomplish. But I guess if you really want it, sometimes these troubles are worth it. The whole, suffer now enjoy later mambo jambo that we have all been brainwashed into accepting as facts of life.

Sometimes I wish life wasn’t so complicated. We could just make simple choices, and have simple consequences, and live happily ever after. Maybe that’s why people invented formalities. So there are these set guidelines that hopefully everyone follows, and everything will work out properly and we’ll all live happily ever after.

Dang!

And the winner is…

“Not having me anymore makes you realise how much you miss me.
Not having you anymore makes me realise how much I’ve missed.”

Working week #2 begins with a bang, literally. Got into a little accident on the LDP yesterday when the 5th or so car ahead decided to suddenly stop on the highway, resulting in all the cars following it to halt immediately except for the car behind me that didn’t manage to stop in time and bumped me forward into the car in front of me.

Now my car’s a little dented in the front and back, and my rear sensor is totally out of whack, though the whole car is still totally usable. Thankfully the fella who bumped into my car is a very very nice person who willingly claims all responsibility and now it’s just a matter of figuring out how to settle my car repairs, either through insurance claims or from his own pocket.

Anyway, there’s nothing much to detail. Will just leave you with some pictures of the damage:

LDPAccident1

LDPAccident2

LDPAccident3

That’s all. Gotta go sleep cos have to go to the workshop tomorrow morning to assess the damage and all that. The person most likely doesn’t want to claim from insurance and will end up paying out of his own pocket instead, so guess we’ll see how it goes. Hopefully all this bad stuffs will be followed by some good.

Karma, now’s your time to shine! 😀

No Takesies Backsies

Still in a funk mood. Have started work, and it’s been alright I guess. I can’t divulge too much cos I can’t risk being Googled by colleagues or bosses and have them find my pot of gold to use against me. There are so many articles that warn people against doing things like that, and I’d like to think I’m well aware of things like that.

I guess, like everything that has been happening since I came back from Aus, all the ups and downs, from H1N1 to holidaying to job hunting to catching up with people to finding a job to being in this new uncertain place that I’ve been in, has been somewhat overwhelming, and somewhat undecided as to whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing, or a nothing. We’re just all too obsessed with extremes, pitting one against the other. People who ask for both are just too greedy. 😛

My colleague (cheyyyy!), who also turns out to be my old highschool form mate (as in same form, different class), was telling us during lunch about how she chose to go to Wollongong, NSW of all places because she wanted to throw herself into an environment unlittered with Asians, specifically Malaysians. It’s not that she hates her own kind, but rather she felt that if she was going to pay so much to go overseas, might as well fully enjoy the experience as true as it possibly can, mixing with the locals and all that. Which she did, and which she enjoyed, and which she most likely wouldn’t want any different. That’s good.

I on the other hand, chose to go to Melbourne because I knew people there. And that it was an urban area. And I guess I also thought about my food options. And I figured, it’s still Australia, eventhough it’s overrun by Asians. Granted, I mixed with Asians practically the entire time I was there, but I honestly do not regret any bit of it. We were still from different backgrounds, and we had significant differences in terms of thinking process and even openness, but I guess it’s sort of like going through “challenging” times together through this racial bond that makes things a little more enjoyable and easy. Had a lot of good times, most of which I do miss every now and then when I’m feeling lonely being the only one back here.

At the end of the day, life is something you can’t undo and if you love what you’ve done, what choices you’ve made and its outcome, then that’s fantastic. If you hate it, regret the hell out of it, wishfully hoping to find an undo button hidden somewhere, there’s really nothing much you can do other than try to improve the situation. Then again, sometimes it’s not that easy. Someone posted on Facebook recently saying, “life is very simple. It’s other people who complicate it.” I guess that holds true to some extent, because people sometimes complicate our lives because we probably did the same to them. You may notice it, you may not, but I always believe what comes around goes around, karma, and all that.

I guess at the end of the day, if you can live with yourself and the choices you’ve made, and realise that it’s not THAT bad (a la schadenfreude), then sometimes all these externalities don’t really matter that much anyway because ultimately only you can make your ownself happy by changing your outlook in life, and your perspective on how marvelously shitty your life is! 😀

Ugly Webby

Kinda feel a bit turned off by the design of this blog, and even more turned off by the fact that the other template choices aren’t that appealing either. I still haven’t bothered taking the time to search up on why WordPress restricts the theme choices where as other blogging sites like Blogger allow you to freely edit your layouts and templates.

Yes, blogs are meant to be about the content and not the design of the page, but it’s MY blog and I would like it to look decent enough that I myself would want to view it. The colours are a little dull, the layout feels a little narrow and cramp, and I guess it overall feels very unappealing making my long-winded stories all the more long-winded.

K, I’m done blaming WordPress for my shortcomings as a great writer. There you go. 🙂