Work Be The Death To Us All

I wonder if there really are people who look forward to Mondays, who can’t wait to leave home and get to their respective offices and start working. People who complain that there aren’t enough hours in a day for work. People who take super-quick lunches because they can’t wait to get back, or the more gung-ho ones who would eat in during lunch. Where are these people working at, and why am I not working there?

As much as I would like to avoid this blog being a place to vent my sian-ness at working, the matter of fact is that work seems to be consuming most of my time now. And I don’t exactly have a lot going on outside of work as well to blog about, and I don’t think people would want to read about my boring non-work life of sleeping, watching shows, eating, going online, and other inane stuff which I look forward to during the working week.

Tomorrow is officially the start of month 4 working at the current place, and month 6 working in general since I graduated. Last week I spent two late nights at the office, only leaving just before 11pm, and 11pm is probably not going to be the latest I’ll ever spend at the office, but I hope to not experience that for as long as I possibly can. I’m sort of getting used to the way of things, and am getting along with the people I work with. Well most of them anyway, and I really do try my best to socialise with them more instead of just finding them for work purposes. I’m still relatively amateur at it, but I’m giving it as much as I possibly can give. It’s times like this where smoking would probably help a whole lot, but I’m not going to let that be an excuse to pick up a habit I don’t really mind but don’t really condone anyway.

I guess there is a lot in life that is hard for people to understand. Why things are the way they are, and why we have to go through things such as working and earning a living instead of having everything handed to us. Do we need to suffer in order to appreciate the better things in life? I do appreciate my weekends now that I’m working, but I think the amount of appreciation I show for the weekends are just as much as I did before I started working. I guess if there’s on thing I can appreciate now, and that’s timeliness, because I realise I spend a bulk of my time waiting around for things to happen. And many of it are mostly beyond my control to a certain extent, and some are the result of my own carelessness or absentmindedness. But I guess that’s all part of the learning process, or so people say.

I think that’s enough ramblings to end the shortest month of the year. Chinese New Year came and left rather quickly, and so far the year has been alright in most aspects. I don’t know what’s going to happen next, but I’m sure as hell hoping it’s something good. And if not, well I guess it’ll just serve its purposes of making me appreciate the finer things in life that I may not even realise until I don’t have it anymore.

3rd Month’s The Charm?

Today is the first day of month 3 of working at the new place. And overall, month 5 working in general. I can’t believe it’s going to be a half year since I joined the work force, and I’m already starting to feel the jadedness setting in. It even takes me a lot of effort to get out of bed nowadays, which is why I always end up being rather un-early for work. And there are times when I just can’t wait to go home.

I guess one of the problems I face is that a lot of my time is spent waiting around. Waiting for people to send me stuffs. Waiting for people to give feedback on the stuffs I’ve forwarded. And then waiting again for the people to make the necessary revisions. And then it basically goes on and on. I sometimes feel fearful finding out that this could be my life for the next couple of months or years, going through this ritual day in day out. I know this is all part of the process, where you start from the bottom doing all the “dirty work” before you climb up to the top where you’re just overseeing everything. I guess I never realised I would join this career model, seeing as one of the reasons I chose to do advertising was that I wanted to be in something a little less… traditional / formal. But I guess all big companies won’t stray too far off the beaten track. Unless it’s Google or one of those modern tech companies that “spoil” their employees.

I wonder if I made the mistake of not going after what I truly wanted, and instead chose the more complacent path of getting whatever I could get my hands on eventhough it may not ultimately be “the ONE”, but rather, the one of a few options I wouldn’t mind. I’m not saying that I totally regret whatever I’m doing now, but I guess the time has come again where I think of the question, “what if?”.

Work aside, I do enjoy working with some of the people I work with currently. My immediate team especially, who are probably the two best kinds of superiors one could ever ask for. There are other people here who give me a tough time, but I guess only in an ideal world where you’ll find everyone getting along with everyone else perfectly. So I guess I shouldn’t complain since I have the nice friendly bosses, who to some extent do balance out the difficulty I face with others. But I do understand that again I myself take some of the blame, due to my lack of socialising skills, but I guess I tend to take some time opening up to certain groups of people, and it’s also very reactive to the way these groups of people behave towards me.

Anyway, kinda sucks that my first post of 2010 is a little bit of a bummer, but on the bright side… wait, where did I put it?? =_=”

Silly Me

I always try to be profound;
I found I wasn’t a pro at it.
(I’m not lame. You’re the one who doesn’t have a sense of humour. Bleh!)

This weekend has been my longest break since I started working. It’s been 2 months since I entered the work force, and already I’m changing jobs. I start at the new place tomorrow, and I guess part of me is excited about the prospects of the new place, but it’s a very subdued part of me. I’m wondering if I’m starting to lose any sense of feeling in me, since life has been rather numbing/neutralising these past few weeks.

I spent the better part of today watching TV shows, which were the latest episodes of Family Guy and Desperate Housewives. And then I finally got around to watching (500) Days of Summer, which I really liked. It’s not too typical, but not too unbelievable either. It tells you one thing, and hypocritically teases you after that, which was a bit predictable but in an overall sense it’s something you can pretend you didn’t notice.

It’s sometimes a bit potong when you realise you’re relating yourself to characters in a story, because it kinda says that your life is clichΓ© enough to be put on screen. As guilty as I am with doing things like that, it does give you a sort of “3rd person perspective” on how things are, but at the same time also gives you fictional hopes of how things will turn out because evidently all stories end with happy endings, and although stories are sometimes adapted from real life, ultimately stories are NOT real life. Some people don’t realise that, whilst some others don’t want to believe that. Wonder where’s my place with that. πŸ˜›

I don’t know what life has in store for me, and I don’t even know if it has all been mapped out and someone out there is basically watching me executing these commands that have been set. People say life is full of choices, but I still believe that there is a possibility that your choices have already been decided, and you can’t choose otherwise because if you were to, it would’ve already been decided that you would be doing so. You can’t escape it, IF such a thing were true.

I wish I knew where I was heading. Why doesn’t Garmin come out with a product for that? Better yet, why do I keep wanting to know? I believe there is a deep and potentially dark underlying reason for my behaviour for always wanting to know, but I just haven’t figured out what that is yet.

Who knew my hand wasn’t the only thing that was screwing with myself. πŸ˜›

Wake Me Up When

It’s the last week of October, and I’ve been officially back in Malaysia for 4 months. That’s one-third of a whole year, quite a significant amount of time that is worthy of some reflection.

My free time nowadays, as limited and precious as they are becoming, are often spent wondering about how things are right now, and where they’re probably headed. A lot of them end up with question marks, and then there are some paths which are not yet as apparent, or not well lit enough for me to feel comfortable enough to walk on. Yes, it’s those dreaded analogies again. Deal with it.

I think life would be near perfect if we had a chance to see into the future to solve all our “if only” quandaries that many people are so fond of, just so we know if we’re doing better or worse because of the choices we’ve made. It’s a bit sad that a lot of people, myself included, rely on comparisons to feel better or worse about our situations because sometimes, there’s no point feeling good about something just by forcing yourself to believe that it is what it may not be. It boils down to that whole lying-to-yourself shenanigan that I blogged about a while back.

I’ve been bugged with these thoughts for a while already, more so with the whole job thing that has become somewhat… perplexing. Perhaps it’s all part of growing up, and that one day I will come to understand why all this happened and what I have to learn from it.

Maybe life is about learning lessons, and not wondering about all the what-ifs and what-could’ve-beens that more often or not just sags your spirits because nothing in life is so simple and straightforward. Maybe it’s about moving forward and onward, and making sure that these things don’t happen again.

And who’s to say moving forward doesn’t involve going back to the way things were, since the way things were would be a change from the way things are now. It’s all these little technicalities that fuck up the world we live in.

And there you have it. Bitch. πŸ˜›

The Road Not Taken

I wonder sometimes who came up with the whole need for formalities? Why do we need to dress a certain way, to write stuff using certain choice words, to behave in a certain manner, and to some like myself, to “turn on” this whole other persona that befits a particular type of situation that calls for it?

People who know me well know that me wearing formal attire is something very rare, and to some people, think it’s something that never happens for me. But yet, there are situations that call for me to dress formally, much to my dislike, simply because it’s what people expect you to be like. It felt a bit artificial to me, because I was pretending to be something I’m not. I’m usually quite informal and casual, and to some extent sometimes callous, because with some people I feel comfortable being that way and sometimes I expect them to just “know” that I don’t mean ill but rather it’s just how we sometimes usually talk to one another. But situations change, and suddenly, it becomes inappropriate and we have to become somebody else, to adapt to this new situation that requires a whole new “you” that really isn’t “you” you.

Yet, this whole need to behave in a certain manner is so embedded in many of us that the lack of it in a setting we expect this formality to take place sometimes just feels a bit inappropriate, much to my surprise when it hit me recently. I realised that my dislike for having to be a certain way that I usually don’t like to associate with, is something I am starting to appreciate now that it’s not there anymore. It’s yet another one of those things where once you don’t have it only you start appreciating it. It’s sad, but it happens.

Thankfully sometimes there ARE opportunities for a do-over, although they are never so easy to accomplish. But I guess if you really want it, sometimes these troubles are worth it. The whole, suffer now enjoy later mambo jambo that we have all been brainwashed into accepting as facts of life.

Sometimes I wish life wasn’t so complicated. We could just make simple choices, and have simple consequences, and live happily ever after. Maybe that’s why people invented formalities. So there are these set guidelines that hopefully everyone follows, and everything will work out properly and we’ll all live happily ever after.

Dang!

And the winner is…

“Not having me anymore makes you realise how much you miss me.
Not having you anymore makes me realise how much I’ve missed.”

Working week #2 begins with a bang, literally. Got into a little accident on the LDP yesterday when the 5th or so car ahead decided to suddenly stop on the highway, resulting in all the cars following it to halt immediately except for the car behind me that didn’t manage to stop in time and bumped me forward into the car in front of me.

Now my car’s a little dented in the front and back, and my rear sensor is totally out of whack, though the whole car is still totally usable. Thankfully the fella who bumped into my car is a very very nice person who willingly claims all responsibility and now it’s just a matter of figuring out how to settle my car repairs, either through insurance claims or from his own pocket.

Anyway, there’s nothing much to detail. Will just leave you with some pictures of the damage:

LDPAccident1

LDPAccident2

LDPAccident3

That’s all. Gotta go sleep cos have to go to the workshop tomorrow morning to assess the damage and all that. The person most likely doesn’t want to claim from insurance and will end up paying out of his own pocket instead, so guess we’ll see how it goes. Hopefully all this bad stuffs will be followed by some good.

Karma, now’s your time to shine! πŸ˜€

Inadvertence

Sometimes I get myself into difficult situations either because I never think it through, because I was half-asleep, because people are just not what you expect them to be, or because of bad timing it’s all of the above. Sometimes it’s things I do rashly because I feel put in the spotlight, or maybe it’s because at the time it felt right or harmless. But I guess, nothing you can do as standard will yield standard results all the time.

I’ve been getting myself into a lot of peculiar situations recently and as much as most of it sucks (there are redeeming parts, thankfully), I guess I’m just going to have to live with it. I guess this is kinda like what happened about 4 years ago when I switched from one college to another college and then finally to the last college I got my diploma from. It was a very confusing time for me, and I guess I made a lot of rash decisions that I later on somewhat regretted, and somewhat not because at the end, things turned out somewhat alright. But as life to most people are, surprises are abound waiting to jump you when you least expect it.

Anyhoo, I actually went on and on about being honest and stuff, but felt it was a load of bull and deleted it all. Have lost the passion to blog, for now anyways.

I still think it’s because of the ugly wordpress template. Ptui!