Temperature’s Rising

The month is coming to an end, and so are a few on-going campaigns I have that are soon to conclude. Well not very soon, but in the coming 2-3 weeks they will be. And the worse thing is, most of them are still in the early stages of production, and something tells me it’s just only going to get worse from here.

After every campaign concludes, I try my best to make sure it doesn’t happen in the following campaign. But somehow somewhere something seems to always go wrong, and we end up having to really “suffer” to get everything done to meet the deadline. I think one of the pitfalls of this job is that my whole work life revolves around meeting deadlines. I guess this is what most jobs are about, which is basically to get some things done by a certain time. And sadly for me, mine involves me pushing other people to get things done by said time. Of course I have a role to play, but at the end there is only so much I can do when it is other people who have the final say and not me.

I know it seems like there really isn’t much positive stuff I can talk about doing the things I do, but I guess it’s maybe because I’m still relatively new and quite at the bottom of the food chain that this is really all to it. Suffer first, enjoy later, as the saying goes. This reminds me of a talk I recently heard from a woman sharing her experiences doing her houseman on her journey to being a full-fledged doctor. The talk was about different people sharing their knowledge, experience, and advice on their jobs with young impressionable high school children, sort of like giving them a career insight. And boy did she give an insight, talking about all the “suffering” she had to endure during her 2 years as a houseman. It felt like 2 years worth of bottled emotions finally being unleashed upon these unsuspecting children who now are probably going to stay as far away from practicing medicine as possible.

Of course things get better once she was done with the 2 years, but it was that 2 years that really thought her about discipline and dedication. I’m guessing that is why I am “suffering” the way I am, because it’s all part of the learning process. My dad was giving me a little pep talk yesterday during dinner about the same thing, about learning from my superiors about leadership and taking charge of the situation. About being a good presenter, about being observant and participative in group discussions and brainstorming sessions. Blah blah blah…

Thankfully Pizza Uno food never ceases to be deliciously comforting. Although their damn prices should stop inflating for a couple of years. From RM10 to RM24 within a couple of years… now that’s just mad!

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Absence Makes No Sense

Sorry I’ve not been updating this blog as often as I would like to. Work is eating into my otherwise damn-free life that any precious time I have I spend with my loved one… my bed.

I wonder if it makes a world of difference if work started later. Although technically I’m quite lucky to be able to start work around 9.30-10.00 since most people would’ve been in the office for like 1-2 hours by then already. But I guess you can never have enough of a good thing, right?

The days and weeks seem to be passing by really really fast. Without realising it, March is almost concluding… a thought that seems a bit unnerving to me since we have some stuff that are going to be launched soon and yet the stuff that we are to produce are still in the midst of being approved and all that. We’re really behind on things, and I hate that it’s not really within my control because my job basically revolves around waiting for other people to do things or approve things.

That has never been more apparent to me than it is now, and whilst I am slowly trying to realise that at the end of the day there is really nothing much I can do at times, I am still trying to figure out why I feel so guilty and worried that somehow it’s my fault that things aren’t going quite the way we planned it to be. Maybe this is what’s demotivating me, knowing that at the end of the day there is this shit on the way to the fan, it’s facing me, and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Oh where is the realisation that it’s not what I think it is, and that it is better? Perhaps in imagination-land? 😛

On a totally separate and work-unrelated note, I went to watch “Remember Me” today, and although at most part it was kinda mediocre and draggy, I kinda liked how they ended everything. Pseudo-spoiler: it’s one of those shows where the “big reveal” comes at the end that most people would’ve never thought to think of, but they did drop hints here and there that I can proudly say I picked up on. It was kinda interesting to see Robert Pattinson and Emily De Ravin play roles different from what we’re used to seeing them play, although to some extent both their characters had some similarities with the characters we’re used to seeing them portray, ie vampire and Lost cast member. Perhaps I’ve typecasted them, or perhaps I’m just overanalysing their characters.

Regardless, as long as the movie was (about 2 hours), it was a “not bad” movie. It’s a bit of a love story, but not quite, so you don’t really end up being emo afterwards if you’re the sort of type of person who relates your life to the movies you watch.

Guilty. 🙂

Work Be The Death To Us All

I wonder if there really are people who look forward to Mondays, who can’t wait to leave home and get to their respective offices and start working. People who complain that there aren’t enough hours in a day for work. People who take super-quick lunches because they can’t wait to get back, or the more gung-ho ones who would eat in during lunch. Where are these people working at, and why am I not working there?

As much as I would like to avoid this blog being a place to vent my sian-ness at working, the matter of fact is that work seems to be consuming most of my time now. And I don’t exactly have a lot going on outside of work as well to blog about, and I don’t think people would want to read about my boring non-work life of sleeping, watching shows, eating, going online, and other inane stuff which I look forward to during the working week.

Tomorrow is officially the start of month 4 working at the current place, and month 6 working in general since I graduated. Last week I spent two late nights at the office, only leaving just before 11pm, and 11pm is probably not going to be the latest I’ll ever spend at the office, but I hope to not experience that for as long as I possibly can. I’m sort of getting used to the way of things, and am getting along with the people I work with. Well most of them anyway, and I really do try my best to socialise with them more instead of just finding them for work purposes. I’m still relatively amateur at it, but I’m giving it as much as I possibly can give. It’s times like this where smoking would probably help a whole lot, but I’m not going to let that be an excuse to pick up a habit I don’t really mind but don’t really condone anyway.

I guess there is a lot in life that is hard for people to understand. Why things are the way they are, and why we have to go through things such as working and earning a living instead of having everything handed to us. Do we need to suffer in order to appreciate the better things in life? I do appreciate my weekends now that I’m working, but I think the amount of appreciation I show for the weekends are just as much as I did before I started working. I guess if there’s on thing I can appreciate now, and that’s timeliness, because I realise I spend a bulk of my time waiting around for things to happen. And many of it are mostly beyond my control to a certain extent, and some are the result of my own carelessness or absentmindedness. But I guess that’s all part of the learning process, or so people say.

I think that’s enough ramblings to end the shortest month of the year. Chinese New Year came and left rather quickly, and so far the year has been alright in most aspects. I don’t know what’s going to happen next, but I’m sure as hell hoping it’s something good. And if not, well I guess it’ll just serve its purposes of making me appreciate the finer things in life that I may not even realise until I don’t have it anymore.

3rd Month’s The Charm?

Today is the first day of month 3 of working at the new place. And overall, month 5 working in general. I can’t believe it’s going to be a half year since I joined the work force, and I’m already starting to feel the jadedness setting in. It even takes me a lot of effort to get out of bed nowadays, which is why I always end up being rather un-early for work. And there are times when I just can’t wait to go home.

I guess one of the problems I face is that a lot of my time is spent waiting around. Waiting for people to send me stuffs. Waiting for people to give feedback on the stuffs I’ve forwarded. And then waiting again for the people to make the necessary revisions. And then it basically goes on and on. I sometimes feel fearful finding out that this could be my life for the next couple of months or years, going through this ritual day in day out. I know this is all part of the process, where you start from the bottom doing all the “dirty work” before you climb up to the top where you’re just overseeing everything. I guess I never realised I would join this career model, seeing as one of the reasons I chose to do advertising was that I wanted to be in something a little less… traditional / formal. But I guess all big companies won’t stray too far off the beaten track. Unless it’s Google or one of those modern tech companies that “spoil” their employees.

I wonder if I made the mistake of not going after what I truly wanted, and instead chose the more complacent path of getting whatever I could get my hands on eventhough it may not ultimately be “the ONE”, but rather, the one of a few options I wouldn’t mind. I’m not saying that I totally regret whatever I’m doing now, but I guess the time has come again where I think of the question, “what if?”.

Work aside, I do enjoy working with some of the people I work with currently. My immediate team especially, who are probably the two best kinds of superiors one could ever ask for. There are other people here who give me a tough time, but I guess only in an ideal world where you’ll find everyone getting along with everyone else perfectly. So I guess I shouldn’t complain since I have the nice friendly bosses, who to some extent do balance out the difficulty I face with others. But I do understand that again I myself take some of the blame, due to my lack of socialising skills, but I guess I tend to take some time opening up to certain groups of people, and it’s also very reactive to the way these groups of people behave towards me.

Anyway, kinda sucks that my first post of 2010 is a little bit of a bummer, but on the bright side… wait, where did I put it?? =_=”

Decade-ant Ending

This year has been quite a year. There were great times and not so great times, and there were normal times in-between. I guess 2009 was my year of change / transition, and I’m pretty sure it’s not the last I’ll see of things like that. There are always positives and negatives to everything that happens, so I’m trying to focus more on the half-full mambo jambo that people do to avoid thinking about nooses.

It’s quite interesting how a new year signifies a new chapter in everybody’s life. We all make resolutions, hopes and dreams, wishes, and other promises to ourselves and people around us for a change or a continuance of something that’s good. I guess eventhough Jan 1 is “physically” just another day, when everyone injects such deep meanings into it it becomes something very special merely because everyone feels it is. The power of the people, as they say.

I never bothered making resolutions, not just because I know I will most likely never be able to keep to them, but rather it’s because it feels to me like if you want to start something, there’s no better time than now, right? That and the fact that if I were to wait for a date to start something, there’s a high risk I might forget about it on the day itself. 😛

Eitherway, here’s hoping that 2010 will be a better year. Not that this year was bad, but there’s no harm having something better rite especially when it’s for everyone. Everybody wins.

With that, I’ll see you all next year then! Buhbyeee 2009! 😀

Silly Me

I always try to be profound;
I found I wasn’t a pro at it.
(I’m not lame. You’re the one who doesn’t have a sense of humour. Bleh!)

This weekend has been my longest break since I started working. It’s been 2 months since I entered the work force, and already I’m changing jobs. I start at the new place tomorrow, and I guess part of me is excited about the prospects of the new place, but it’s a very subdued part of me. I’m wondering if I’m starting to lose any sense of feeling in me, since life has been rather numbing/neutralising these past few weeks.

I spent the better part of today watching TV shows, which were the latest episodes of Family Guy and Desperate Housewives. And then I finally got around to watching (500) Days of Summer, which I really liked. It’s not too typical, but not too unbelievable either. It tells you one thing, and hypocritically teases you after that, which was a bit predictable but in an overall sense it’s something you can pretend you didn’t notice.

It’s sometimes a bit potong when you realise you’re relating yourself to characters in a story, because it kinda says that your life is cliché enough to be put on screen. As guilty as I am with doing things like that, it does give you a sort of “3rd person perspective” on how things are, but at the same time also gives you fictional hopes of how things will turn out because evidently all stories end with happy endings, and although stories are sometimes adapted from real life, ultimately stories are NOT real life. Some people don’t realise that, whilst some others don’t want to believe that. Wonder where’s my place with that. 😛

I don’t know what life has in store for me, and I don’t even know if it has all been mapped out and someone out there is basically watching me executing these commands that have been set. People say life is full of choices, but I still believe that there is a possibility that your choices have already been decided, and you can’t choose otherwise because if you were to, it would’ve already been decided that you would be doing so. You can’t escape it, IF such a thing were true.

I wish I knew where I was heading. Why doesn’t Garmin come out with a product for that? Better yet, why do I keep wanting to know? I believe there is a deep and potentially dark underlying reason for my behaviour for always wanting to know, but I just haven’t figured out what that is yet.

Who knew my hand wasn’t the only thing that was screwing with myself. 😛

Failure of the Unknown

I don’t know where I’m at.
I’m standing out the back,
And I’m tired of waiting.
Waiting here in in line,
Hoping that I’ll find
What I’ve been chasing

(chorus)
I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try?
I know I’m gonna fall down.
I thought I could fly,
So why did I drown?
You never know why
It’s coming down, down, down.

Not ready to let go.
Cause then I’ll never know
What I could be missing.
But I’m missing way too much.
When do I give up
What I’ve been wishing for?

(repeat chorus)

Oh, I’m going down, down, down.
I can’t find another way around
And I don’t wanna hear the sound
Of losing what I’ve never found.

(repeat chorus x2)